Updated: Aug 4
Warning! Do not try any of these at home. This list is for fun and fiction. I do not want to receive any calls from real law enforcement.
So, you want to write a Murder Mystery, but don’t know where to begin. I like to start with a murder weapon. Maybe I’m a tad bit dark, but that’s just how I roll. In my short story, The Gypsy Curse, my murderer used a watering can on the test dummy for the victim’s human cannonball act. The water changed the dummy’s weight, thereby throwing off the victim’s trajectory when he was shot out of the cannon. Lately, I’ve been putting together a blueprint for murder. The fictional variety, not the real thing, of course. I thought it would be fun to compile a list of creative methods for bringing about someone’s fictional demise. I’ve been having a lot of fun with this topic, asking friends and family for their input. My best friend was incredibly enthusiastic. She surprised me with all of her ideas at the ready. I guess it makes sense why she’s my best friend, although, I may have to keep an eye on that one. My oldest daughter has a dark side I didn’t know about, but I’m fairly confident she will never engage it for murderous purposes. Her methods were very technical and complicated and I told her she’d get caught for sure. My youngest has my dry wit and is quite the evil genius, where as her twin brother is too kind and soft hearted to conceive of anything so dastardly. I’d love to hear thoughts from my readers as well as any suggestions of your own. So, here it is.
My list of Murderous Means.
Ice Knife (Leaves no weapon at the crime scene.)
Frozen Leg of Lamb (Used once in a Roald Dahl story.)
Typewriter (Steven King - Misery)
Bottle of Champagne
Banjo (Actually used in a real murder.)
Crucifix (Used in a real murder.)
Pickle Jar (Also used in an actual crime.)
Poison Dipped Corkscrew (Love that one.)
Bullet made of bone
Poison page tips (Lick your finger to turn the page at your own risk.)
Prosthetic limb (Again, actually done, believe it or not.)
Piece of Art
Woman’s High Heeled Shoe
Lid from a toilet tank (Pretty sure Jesse Einsenberg used that one in Zombieland.)
Poisoned toilet paper (Probably not ideal for a cozy.)
Flaming Arrow fired into a canoe pretreated with lighter fluid.
Garbage truck (They have those arms that pick the cans up now, you know.)
Tamper with brakes on a library ladder
Tamper with an electric blanket
Necktie in the paper shredder / strangled
Fireman / tamper with breathing apparatus
Paper towel holder
Wrong blood used in a transfusion
Down a power line
Leaking AC unit
Christmas Tree (Killer ornament)
Remove important warning signs
Poison in center of an ice cube
Death by programmed robotic arm
Cat claws dipped in poison (Bad kitty)
Use someone’s allergies against them
Flammable beard tonic for a smoker
Cooked Newt (Tastes like chicken? Seriously, a guy ate a newt once on a dare and died. Apparently they are quite toxic.)
Flower petals on a cake (There are all kinds of poisonous flowers.)
Pressing / a medieval form of torture
Use this list to get the creativity flowing. I compiled this list from books, television, an internet search on stupid ways to die, friends, relatives, the fruit of my womb and my own devious mind. Let’s see what you can come up with.